Surprising Sources

Okay ladies...(I'm pretty sure I don't have any men who read this)...today's topic has been stewing on my heart since first thing this morning. As I've told you before, I'm a pretty extreme person, meaning; when I'm happy, I'm very happy, when I'm sad, I'm very sad and when I'm angry, well, it's better for your health to stay out of my way. :) So it is with everything in my life it seems. Everything I put my mind into, I do ALL the way: homeschool, housework, motherhood, wifehood, whatever it is, I'm not doing it half way. Some people have said this is a trait they would like to have and to those people I'm telling you...sometimes it can be a curse. Let's take housework for example....do I pick up every single night because I like to wake up to an orderly, clean house? Well yes, but that's not my main reason. My main reason is so that in the unfortunate event of my house catching on fire during the night, I don't want the fireman to trip over things getting to my children to rescue them. Yes, I'm very serious...this is my thinking. And when leaving town, my house has to be perfection and everyone will have clean sheets before we walk out the door. Why? So when we come home after airports and such with bags and bags of dirty clothes, I don't walk into an already messy house. I want it to be my refuge of calm and order when walking in the door. I want my sheets crisp and clean after being in "borrowed" sheets and to smell their cleanness as I lay my head down, is almost as good as chocolate. Seriously, this IS my thinking.

So as with everything else, I wanted my body to be in its best beach body shape before we left on vacation. As I stood looking in the mirror this morning, it occurred to me how far away from that goal I was. And then, like a bolt of lightning, it hit me. I'm pretty sure that this has been coming with certain things that have happened in my life lately but I haven't been paying attention. What if I'm not suppose to look like a Victoria's Secret model? GASP! What if I'm just right just the way God made me? A recent conversation I had with a very unlikely person came to me and made me start thinking about things. It was with a man who was giving my husband his new tattoo. He had done our tats for the marathon which include a scripture verse and so religion and spiritual things had been discussed. I had gone in to check on my hubby because it was going to be a long session and I just happened to mention that I had just come from the gym and what a loser I was for not being able to lift much weight with my arms. "Why does it matter? You're already tiny and you're suppose to be feminine and womanly. That's why God made you a woman." Wow, coming from a man with massive holes in his ears and tats ALL over his body, he was exactly right. Sometimes I think God talks to you through unsuspecting sources. This man saw me for who God made me and I now realize that I need to start looking at myself that way. So I examined closer....I do not think I am meant to have six packs for abs. I have a little extra in that area because I grew two beautiful children inside me and gained 65 pounds with each. I could have those "perfect" abs, but I probably wouldn't have children if I did. My hips are a little wider than they use to be and I have a little extra "junk in the trunk" than in the past, but it all goes back to sharing my body with other human beings for 18 months out of my life. Would I trade them for tight, firm gluts? Not in a million years. So I need to embrace the changes that child bearing graced my body with and be happy with who God made me. Besides, my husband thinks I'm gorgeous and loves on me constantly so why shouldn't I think of myself as that worthy?

Okay...all that being said, after the Beth Moore conference on Saturday and this mornings freeing epiphany, I'm bound and determined to become secure within myself. It will be a journey and you're going to join me. I'm going to go through the Bible study that she wrote over the summer and I want to share what I'm learning.

Women! We are beautiful creations of the one great Creator and we need to realize it and tell each other that more! You ARE beautiful! You ARE strong and God loves you! Not for your dress size, not for your six pack, not for your perfectly toned thighs, but because he made you! And let's face it, that's a really good thing because if it was left up to all those other things, we'd all be sunk. :) So assignment #1: Come up with 5 things you like about your body and comment them to me. I'll start:
1. My hair: its long and thick and healthy
2. My eyes: they are big, brown and help me see the beauty around me
3. My belly: at least I don't have bad stretch marks after 65 extra pounds * 2! :)
4. My hands: they have long and slender fingers and hold the most important things in the world. (kids and hubby's hands, my Bible, etc...)
5. My legs: they are pretty well proportioned and get me where I need to go.

Okay there they are. It wasn't easy but I did it and so can you! Now, do I think God intends for us to accept ourselves and become slobs and overweight and just not care at all? Absolutely not! I think God wants us to exercise, eat right and stay healthy. Just not obsess over becoming Barbie doll perfect because that wasn't His idea of perfect anyway. Maybe it's His design for us to be doing the best we can and embrace those "flaws" that we see and be thankful for what caused them. For me, that's children. And if I can't accept those parts because of that reason, how am I ever going to expect my daughter to as she gets older?

Lastly, after going through all of this in my mind this morning, it occurred to me that after coming in and seeing me get dressed, my daughter ran back to her room and changed into something that was very similar to what I was wearing. Now you have to understand, Princess has a style all her own and so for her to want to look like me is a very big deal. It made me think: if we could all just love ourselves like God, dogs and our children do, how much better off would we be?