Bear With Me...

Well the anticipation is finally over. My mema went to be with Jesus yesterday afternoon. The circumstances were not anything like I thought they would be....for one, I was there when it happened...I had really thought I didn't want to be, but obviously it was meant for me to be for certain reasons. Two, all the cousins who have been in town the last week just to be there for that moment weren't there. It was just 5 of her 6 daughters, me, and my uncle. The house was very quiet and peaceful and she just went. No gasping for air, no more groaning, no more pain...she just went. My mom said it literally felt as though they could feel her spirit walking away quietly and peacefully. She just finally let go.

My mom and Memaw at the ranch a few years ago....

My Memaw was a hoot. She had the funniest little quirks about her that had me giggling up until her last days. One of my most favorite memories is when I was a teenager, we all went to the water park in Oklahoma City. Even though she had had seven children, Mema was obviously still pretty modest because she did not want to wear her swimsuit without her underwear on also. So here we are, several of her teenage grandkids watching her lie on a raft floating down the lazy river, with her panties sticking out from underneath her swimsuit. At the time, we were mortified but now, I just laugh. She had a way of getting her point across without being rude and she loved me and my family for who we were. She never complained about my tattoos, or Little Man's long hair...she told me just two weeks ago how proud she was of me for homeschooling and she never ran out of "I love yous." Both her and my Pepaw scolded whoever they heard call me "Ape" and she didn't like people picking on her kids, grandkids, etc. She had a quiet orneriness about her but she got attention for it so that's okay. She always put her two cents in about whatever was being discussed even if the conversation had moved on. She liked to put Sweet-N-Low's in her purse from restaurants and she loved the Western Sizzler. There was always some sort of fresh fruit or vegetable on her kitchen counter and I always had to have a snack at her house. Most of the time it was cucumbers or bananas, but she took care of us with whatever she had. She made the most awesome banana bread and if I find any that she made in a freezer somewhere, I'm totally confiscating it. If I had bananas that needed to be used, as capable as I am of making the bread myself, I would much rather take them to her and let her make it. It has something about it that makes it delicious...probably love. She loved to read and that's why I let my kids read to her in that last day of responsiveness because they may not have known what to say, but they shared a common love of reading.

She loved kids. She worked in childcare places in several churches and she loved her great-grandbabies so much. And she has plenty of them! I'm so thankful that my kids got to know her and she got to see my niece after she was born. Most kids don't know their great grandparents but mine are very blessed with many.

Last year, I had a mother/daughter tea with all the mothers and daughters in my family and we had to dress up in dresses and wear hats. It was a blast and I think Memaw had a lot of fun. She may not have been the most prim and proper of women, but she was real and always full of dignity. Princess stayed with her not too long ago when I went to the gym one day and filled her in on all the "Hanna Montana" and "iCarly" stuff that she could. As much as Memaw probably didn't care, she sure acted like she did care and they shared that moment just the two of them. I know Princess will treasure it always.

I found this picture today and wanted to share it. This was a rarity for our family. We are blessed with a big family but one downfall to that is that you didn't get very many chances to be one-on-one when we were all together. Here she is with Little Man when he was not even two years old, and he's "reading" to her. (See? They shared that love of reading I was telling you about...even in his youngest days.) I remember this day and I remember that they just talked and talked...she knew exactly how to get on his level. She will be missed greatly.

So this is life now. It almost seems as though it wasn't real and I'll go over there today and she'll still be there but I know it was real and I know she won't be. It will be weird to have to take her phone number out of my contacts and to not see her at family functions. As irritating as it was when she talked non-stop sometimes, I will miss not hearing her try to keep up with everyone else. But she is in a better place. She is getting to hold that baby boy that she lost so many years ago and she's getting to see her Savior. She's eating and singing and dancing and loving. She always loved. And she will always be loved.

Dear Memaw,

I'm so glad to know you are not hurting anymore but I miss you so much already. You are such a sweet special lady and I hope to follow your lead in how I love my family and take care of them. Enjoy those fresh sweet fruits and veggies up there...that is definitely your kind of heaven. I will make sure we keep up your gardening efforts and plant something fresh every year. Tell Pepaw I say "hi" and that my kids miss getting to know him. They are so blessed to have gotten to know you though. You will never be forgotten and we love you very much. Good-bye my Memaw. I love you.